Triggered

I can go six months steady. Six months of normal days, normal conversations, normal me. Then something flips, and I’m unsteady in an instant.

There’s no slow build. One minute I’m fine and the next I’m loud. Obnoxious. Everything makes me angry. Things that wouldn’t have touched me yesterday set me off today.

And people can’t stand to be around me when I’m like that. I get it. I wouldn’t want to be around me either. So they push me away.

Here’s the part that’s hard to explain. That’s actually where I come back. Not in a talk, not in someone calming me down. Alone. Sometimes it takes a few minutes. Sometimes it takes a few days. But it’s in the quiet, by myself, that I come back around.

When I do, the six good months don’t feel erased. They’re still real. The flip doesn’t cancel them out. My family agrees with this.

If you go from steady to gone in a second, and you only find your way back when everyone’s stepped away, you’re not the only one. I know that version of me, and I know he doesn’t stay.

If it ever turns into something darker than anger, this page is for you, or call or text 988.

I’ll send the next one. You can leave whenever you want.