It’s 11pm. I’m tired. My body is done for the day. My head didn’t get the message.
So I lie there and it starts. A conversation from three days ago. Something I should have said. Something I shouldn’t have. A list of things I didn’t get to, and a longer list of things I’m worried about that haven’t even happened yet.
None of it is new. It’s the same loop I’ve heard before. Knowing that doesn’t make it quieter.
The worst part is the math. If I fall asleep now I get six hours. Now five and a half. Now five. Counting it makes it worse, and I count it anyway.
I’ve read the advice. No screens, same bedtime, write it down, breathe. Occasionally some of it helps. Some nights nothing does, and I’ve stopped treating those nights like a test I failed.
What helps me most is giving up on forcing it. I stop trying to win. I let the thoughts run, and do they run. Sometimes I get up, walk around for a bit, sit somewhere else for a while, then come back. Sometimes I just lie there and tell myself resting counts even if sleeping doesn’t happen.
If your head does this too, you’re not doing something wrong. It’s just loud in there sometimes. It gets quiet eventually, even if it’s later than you wanted.
If it’s more than loud, if it’s dark, this page is for you, or call or text 988.
I’ll send the next one. You can leave whenever you want.
Other Notes
Triggered
When I want out
