Someone asks how I’m doing and “I’m fine” is out before I’ve even checked. It’s not really a lie. It’s more like a door I close without thinking.
Most days that’s okay. Not everyone needs the real answer, and I don’t owe it to the guy at the counter. The trouble is when I say it to the people I’d actually want to tell. It comes out the same way, just as fast, and then the moment’s gone.
The few times I’ve said “not great, actually,” nothing fell apart. Usually the other person just said “yeah, me too,” or “want to talk about it?” It was smaller and kinder than I’d built it up to be.
I’m not saying you have to tell everyone. I’m just trying to notice when I close the door on someone I’d rather let in. If “I’m fine” is your reflex too, you’re not alone in that.
I’ll send the next one. You can leave whenever you want.
Into the darkness I descend (a depression poem)
The good day problem
