3am

Some nights my body is tired but my head isn’t. I lie there and it starts up. Things I said years ago. Things I have to do next week. Things that haven’t happened and probably won’t.

During the day I can keep most of it at arm’s length. At 3am there’s nothing in the way. The house is quiet, the room is dark, and every thought feels bigger and more certain than it has any right to.

I’ve learned not to trust what my head tells me at that hour. Not because it’s always wrong, but because everything sounds worse in the dark. The same worry at 10am usually looks smaller and more manageable.

A few things help me get through those nights.

I stop trying to force sleep. Lying there fighting it just makes it louder. Sometimes I get up for a bit, get a bottle of water, sit somewhere else, then try again.

I write down whatever’s looping. One line is enough. It tells my head it’s been noted and doesn’t have to keep repeating it.

And I tell myself something simple: “This is a 3am thought. I’ll look at it in the morning.” Most of the time, in the morning, it’s lost its grip.

If you’re up right now reading this, you’re not the only one awake with a loud head.

And if it’s more than a rough night, If it’s bad right now has people you can reach tonight.

I’ll send the next one. You can leave whenever you want.